The story of Pooh

I sent my mother a quotation from Winnie the Pooh that I had posted on Facebook in 2014 and she insisted that I had to share it here as well. And then something strange happened.

First, the quote:

I had a particularly bad day yesterday and my mom was trying to help by getting me to focus on this saying.

Then I opened a drawer in Callum’s room today and found this.

And then I was looking for a picture of him wearing the Pooh hat, which I didn’t. But I found this.

Maybe all just a coincidence? Or maybe Callum giving me a nudge?? That punch on the arm that he used to give me and a “chin up, mom. You have to keep on going. You can’t quit now.”

Thanks Call. I’m trying. I just miss you very very much.

Love Mom

And here we are again…

 

Four years. How is that even possible? I will not even estimate how many days. That could crush me right about now.

I have no wisdom about grief to share this year. Except, it still really really hurts.

For the last 364 days, I have tried to shut it down. I have even tried to start to change his room. Baby steps.

I run into his friends, who graduated two years ago. They are all 19 now and can drink—legally. I even run into them in the liquor store. Awkward!

We talk about what they’re doing. I desperately want to ask them about what they remember about Callum. But that’s not fair.

I will, for the first time, watch Tristan graduate from Grade 12. Something my family and I didn’t get to experience with Callum. He didn’t get to go to semi-formal in Grade 9. And he didn’t get to prom.

I try not to be angry. Or sad. But it’s a challenge. Every day. I just hide it really well.

Callum’s nickname growing up was “Bunny”. That’s what I called him. I realize now that he had a gentle part of him, a kindness, even from the time he was little. I think that is what people saw in him. It sometimes made him vulnerable to bullies. But it also made him an amazing friend.

I will try to honour him in this, the fourth year since he left us.

I went to the cemetery today, just to make sure everything looked okay, just in case anyone went there tomorrow. Still his mom.

I know Callum would be so proud of the man that Tristan has become, and everything he has accomplished. He will always be a better person because he had Callum as a role model.

Callum – you made us all better. I just wish we had more time with you.

I will always love you and miss you.

Love you Call-Call.

Mom

To see the slide show about Callum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Afz8ZeiIjqA