I had to find a baby photo of Tristan today to send to school for the Grade 9 yearbook. I have been putting it off….and now I realize why. It meant that I had to dig into the old photo albums. And it was, as my title suggests, another “blunt force trauma to the heart”.
They are beautiful memories. I love this photo of the two boys together. They were just 21 months apart and so Callum was always very protective of Tristan. Now, Tristan has to go it alone.
There is a yoga teacher in the U.S. who has created a “Yoga for Grief Relief” training program that I hope to go to sometime. He travels to Toronto frequently so I could do it. He developed the program after the death of his mother. Here is what he writes about his grief:
I was truly good friends with my mother, and when she died of a stroke at 54 (I was 20), I was certainly not prepared for life without her. For two-and-a-half years, I lived in a state of denial, completely disconnected from my feelings. When I finally was able to be with the pain of grief, I discovered that my sternum (breastbone) had actually popped out. In essence, what my mind could hide, my body showed with pristine clarity: I had a broken heart.
That feeling of a broken heart. That stabbing pain. The blunt force trauma. That’s what it feels like.
There is a post about grief that is currently making the rounds on Facebook and getting a lot of response called “15 Things I Wish I’d Known About Grief”. http://identityrenewed.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/15thingsaboutgrief_terynobrien.pdf
I think the piece is getting such a powerful response because there are so many of us dealing with grief of all kinds. And it is a bit of a mystery until it plows into you and changes your life forever. To people standing by and watching what we’re going through, it must be a challenge to understand the depth of the pain. It is because they love us that they try. But I never knew what it would feel like….I could never have imagined….
Now I’m going to pull myself together….send Tristan’s baby photo to the school…and try to get the best I can through another day without Callum. That’s all I can do, even with a blunt force trauma to the heart.